12 October 2013


Guest Writer: Shittu Fowora

Fred Alika, 34 and Catherine were close buddies seeing each other; in a matter of months, they should be formalizing their relationship by signing the dotted lines according to the demands of tradition. Naturally this called for openness and an ample amount of trust between them both but there was something amiss.

Overly affectionate Catherine visited Fred a certain weekend, with loads of edible gift items; it set the mood for the evening, cheesy albeit heart-warming moments.  When it was getting late, she wasted no time to pinch him teasingly, collect her car keys and drive off echoing some nice lyrics off the stereo. Few minutes later, she had to return in distress after calling Fred to confirm if her Blackberry phone was at his place.

When Fred confirmed that her phone was at his place, she went all hot, stirred up the car, swerved in reverse and dashed to his place in an incredibly shorter time. She stepped in panting, immediately requesting for the mobile phone which he gladly handed to her after picking it from where it was stuck in the couch. A mere horn should have been adequate to get Fred out with the cell phone but she chose to go in. Concern painted all over her gorgeous body and draining it of all sparks it exuded earlier in the day, she began to think and though it was night and dark, her demeanour added a tinge to the night.

Had her man scanned through her mails, inboxes, BBMs and notifications? She wasn’t certain if he had checked her call log. Well, he didn’t, he had never done so with any lady and he wasn’t going to do it with his heartthrob and soulmate to whom he had vowed to honour to death. No, she was being irrational. She hugged him and zoomed off. He smiled, but he had a hunch something was wrong. “What’s all these shiftiness about her forgotten phone?” he wondered and dismissed it. For some, this would have marked the final whistle. For a few others, there is an allowance but a rare set will wear the snoop-man cap.

Some couple are married to successful partners, nice, humble caring significant other who brings in all the sparks and bucks. On the surface, everything looks perfect but when you look deeper, either of them may be prying to know what’s up with his/her partner especially when they are absent. Husband may have informants around his wife’s place of work while the wife opens and reads all his mails, Facebook/Tweeter inboxes and exchanges with utmost stealth for proof of infidelity.

Insecure folks are undependable; they’ll check everyone’s (friends, family, boyfriends) mobile, e-mails, letters, bank reports, drawers and anything else others leave momentarily unguarded “just out of curiosity”. Whatever it is they are after, you’ll really never know. In the past, I’ve had cause to be tempted to snoop, not anything untoward, but I just wanted to know what my lady was doing when she wasn’t with me, which is unlike insecurity).

In all truth, if you have to snoop on your partner’s private things, then that is a sure sign that something is wrong. Not patently bad or fatally wrong, but wrong nonetheless. In the worst case scenario, you’re either searching for confirming evidence for clues you have already discovered about a likely indiscretion overtime that doesn’t add up (wrongly routed sms with intended for her ex/assistant boyfriends, some fake laughs, stealth or awkward response to calls or call rejection, an STI you know you haven’t nurtured in the past) or you just know deep in your bones, that your man or woman has some lose ends peeking oddly and have gone searching for the proof you need to make the break.

A not so-healthy scenario is that it is you who has ‘trust issues’. If you grew up around nifty neighbours who were extremely kind to the partners of others, If you had a father who distributed and shared love with 'sonsy' girls in the hood, and you can’t stop yourself from believing women are even shrewder in this coded wandering; Or maybe you find it challenging to stay faithful to your partner and can’t grasp how anyone doesn’t feel the same. This is the better case scenario because our own inadequacies and idiocies are easier to recognise and cure – or at least put under control – than those of other people, who stubbornly insist on retaining their independence of thought and spirit. However, many who suffer this end up bunking up their relationships because such insecurities inform their actions. It is nearly incurable.

So unlike days of yore when communicators were more shrewd and mails had to pass through channels and routes before getting to its final stop, these days the volume of exchanges is so enormous that it takes a sociopathic personality to go sniffing and sifting through other people’s 'secret-ish'.

Sometimes one just has to wonder over the tranquility, mental peace and serenity men of old enjoyed. Even though infidelity has always and will always be, they had fewer anxieties over their proclivities and dealings; no passwords to check, no unanticipated sexts from any paramour and stuffs, they just lived life as it came. Imagine a world where couples willingly share passwords of phones, Credit cards, emails, and everything that needs to be kept from a third party. I am all for sharing though, there is hardly a lie you can pull for so long a time if your partner has access to your private conversations.

Like love, like a parachute, it takes great courage to trust completely knowing it might be punctured in mid-air anytime but having the faith it will last forever.



Shittu Fowora is a writer and Creative art director of Sketchmatiks Art Studio. Find him @ShittuFowora

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