Guest Writer: Shittu Fowora
Fred Alika, 34 and
Catherine were close buddies seeing each other; in a matter of months, they
should be formalizing their relationship by signing the dotted lines according
to the demands of tradition. Naturally this called for openness and an
ample amount of trust between them both but there was something amiss.
Overly
affectionate Catherine visited Fred a certain weekend, with loads of edible
gift items; it set the mood for the evening, cheesy albeit heart-warming moments. When it was getting late, she wasted no time to pinch him teasingly, collect her car keys and drive off echoing some nice
lyrics off the stereo. Few minutes later,
she had to return in distress after calling Fred to confirm if her Blackberry phone was at
his place.
When Fred confirmed that her phone was at his place, she went all hot, stirred up the car, swerved in reverse and dashed to his place in an
incredibly shorter time. She stepped in
panting, immediately requesting for the mobile phone which he gladly handed to her after
picking it from where it was stuck in the couch. A mere horn should have been
adequate to get Fred out with the cell phone but she chose to go in. Concern painted all over her gorgeous body and draining it of all sparks it
exuded earlier in the day, she began to think and though it was night and dark, her demeanour added a
tinge to the night.
Had her man scanned
through her mails, inboxes, BBMs and notifications? She wasn’t certain if he had
checked her call log. Well, he didn’t, he had never done so with any lady and
he wasn’t going to do it with his heartthrob and soulmate to whom he had vowed
to honour to death. No, she was being irrational. She hugged him and zoomed off. He smiled, but he had a hunch
something was wrong. “What’s all these shiftiness about her forgotten phone?”
he wondered and dismissed it. For some, this would
have marked the final whistle. For a few others, there is an allowance but a
rare set will wear the snoop-man cap.
Some couple are married to successful partners, nice, humble caring
significant other who brings in all the sparks and bucks. On the surface,
everything looks perfect but when you look deeper, either of them may be prying
to know what’s up with his/her partner especially when they are absent. Husband
may have informants around his wife’s place of work while the wife opens and
reads all his mails, Facebook/Tweeter inboxes and exchanges with utmost stealth for proof of infidelity.
Insecure folks are undependable; they’ll check
everyone’s (friends, family, boyfriends) mobile, e-mails, letters, bank reports,
drawers and anything else others leave momentarily unguarded “just out of
curiosity”. Whatever it is they are after, you’ll really never know. In the past, I’ve had cause to be tempted to
snoop, not anything untoward, but I just wanted to know what my lady was doing
when she wasn’t with me, which is unlike insecurity).
In all truth, if you have to snoop on your
partner’s private things, then that is a sure sign that something is wrong. Not
patently bad or fatally wrong, but wrong nonetheless. In the worst case
scenario, you’re either searching for confirming evidence for clues you have
already discovered about a likely indiscretion overtime that doesn’t add up
(wrongly routed sms with intended for her ex/assistant boyfriends, some fake
laughs, stealth or awkward response to calls or call rejection, an STI you know
you haven’t nurtured in the past) or you just know deep in your bones, that your man or woman has some lose ends peeking oddly and have gone searching for the proof
you need to make the break.
A not so-healthy scenario is that it is you who
has ‘trust issues’. If you grew up around nifty neighbours who were extremely
kind to the partners of others, If you had a father who distributed and shared
love with 'sonsy' girls in the hood, and you can’t stop yourself from believing
women are even shrewder in this coded wandering; Or maybe you find it challenging
to stay faithful to your partner and can’t grasp how anyone doesn’t feel the
same. This is the better case scenario because our own inadequacies and
idiocies are easier to recognise and cure – or at least put under control –
than those of other people, who stubbornly insist on retaining their
independence of thought and spirit. However, many who suffer this end up
bunking up their relationships because such insecurities inform their actions.
It is nearly incurable.
So unlike days of yore when communicators were
more shrewd and mails had to pass through channels and routes before getting to
its final stop, these days the volume of exchanges is so enormous that it takes
a sociopathic personality to go sniffing and sifting through other people’s
'secret-ish'.
Sometimes one just has to wonder over the tranquility,
mental peace and serenity men of old enjoyed. Even though infidelity has always
and will always be, they had fewer anxieties over their proclivities and
dealings; no passwords to check, no unanticipated sexts from any paramour and stuffs,
they just lived life as it came. Imagine a world where couples willingly share
passwords of phones, Credit cards, emails, and everything that needs to be kept
from a third party. I am all for sharing though, there is hardly a lie you can
pull for so long a time if your partner has access to your private
conversations.
Like love, like a parachute, it takes great
courage to trust completely knowing it might be punctured in
mid-air anytime but having the faith it will last forever.
ABOUT OUR GUEST WRITER
Shittu Fowora is a writer and Creative art director of Sketchmatiks Art Studio. Find him @ShittuFowora
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